my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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