I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
North Korea, Best Korea!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
