oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
