Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
