i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
