i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
