were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize