Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
