dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i was born a porn star she said
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
