Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
