I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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