She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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