I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
