so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
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