you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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