doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
