his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
