yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
