I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
