I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
