I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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