And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
