I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
