She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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