i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
