I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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