I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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