i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Randomize
