just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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