dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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