i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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