I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize