Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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