Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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