ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
