Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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