I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
