dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
