The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
