if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
