Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
