I've blown a few things in my day
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
if only i could text you this smell
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
