Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
