and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
