There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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