: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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