He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
