you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
