i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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