You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
