And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
