I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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