Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
