Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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