never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
