Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
