I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
only if we run a train.
done.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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