It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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