Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
