We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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