You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
