New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
