Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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