I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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