he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
