You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
