when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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