Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
